It has taken me awhile to put this together, but, as many of you know, we celebrated my son Jason's first heavenly birthday with an "I Got You Day." I was so overwhelmed by the response from my friends and family on that day that I wanted to document it. I struggled trying to figure out how to get through his birthday and then it came to me. Or I should say, Jason handed the idea to me. As many of you know, one of Jason’s favorite sayings was “I Got You.” He used it all the time for so many positive reasons. So, we decided to celebrate his birthdays going forward as “I Got You” days. That is, we did and will, spend the day trying to help others… trying to show them that there are people out there that “got them” and are there to help get them through their day. For the first one, my sister Sherri and my husband Gregg joined me in delivering clothes, food, personal care items and toys to Homeless Shelters, to individual homeless people we encountered on the streets, to Animal Shelters and to the Ronald Reagan Children's Hospital. We stopped and wished Jason a happy birthday in the middle of our day and let him know that we were keeping his spirit alive. We started the day at Starbucks and ended the day at McDonalds and bought drinks and meals for those behind us. Included below are some of the things that my friends and family did on May 6th to honor Jason and help those in their community. I am sure I missed some of you but know I appreciate everyone for what they did. Also included below is a newsletter from the Food Shelter and an email from the Homeless Shelter that we received after the day. Next year, and in the coming years, we hope to make this a much bigger event. So please mark your calendars for May 6th, ""I Got You Day." I am working on a logo we can use that day. Included in this post is version 1, but we are working on additional versions. Thank you Jason for giving me a way to both honor you and make your birthday a happy day for me going forward. Love and miss you dude… #igotyou #excusemymodertation #jasonfranklin55
Hazel Bautista Specially for Jason! Thank You Jan for this wonderful idea. I Got You!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ (Hazel's pics from the day below.... helping the homeless..)
PICTURES FROM OUR DAY (Jan, Gregg and Sherri)...
LETTER FROM THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY RESCUE MISSION Dear Jan, My sincerest apologies on my tardy response. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Valentine (Val) and I am an administrative assistant here at the San Fernando Valley Rescue Mission. I get all of the emails that are sent to our info email from the website. I had the privilege to receive your email about “I Got You Day.” As you can imagine, sometimes this job can be burdensome and even discouraging. But receiving your sweet email was such a blessing. Mary is one of our incredible volunteers, she is wonderful, we are so glad you were met by her and given a warm SFVRM welcome. It was so encouraging to receive your email and read about not only what you donated but the WHY of your donation. As you can imagine, we get lots of donations in and out of here, but yours was so inspiring and full of hope and promise. We are so sorry for the loss of your son. No matter what is said, I know that no words can ever sum up the weight of devastation and sorrow that comes when a mother loses a child. Not being a biological mother myself, I cannot even begin to imagine it. As an “adoptive” spiritual mom, I have walked in those shoes and know how devastatingly hard that was, but I cannot imagine how much more intense your process was. I am so moved by your strength and how you have turned grief into inspiration! Perhaps this is why your email impacted me and blessed my heart so much! As is the case with the Lord, He is so faithful in the way he redeems all things and makes beauty out of ashes. It is so encouraging to see how Jason’s memory gets to live on forever! What a wonderful message you brought to our guests by letting them know that someone out there “has them.” Your donation went farther than a simple means to meeting needs. It was impactful and incredibly personal and that goes such a long way. We are so grateful that you chose to share your story, your incredible son’s thoughtfulness and compassion and the ways that you loved on so many strangers that day! It is because of people like Jason, YOU, Gregg and Sherri that the message of hope and kindness can go out into the world! We are so happy to stand with you on May 6th to celebrate “I Got You Day!” We printed your letter and picture and it sits in our break room and in our shelter. Jason (and you) will not be forgotten. May God bless you now and always! Thank you for thinking of us and for donating and thank you so much for taking the time to share all of this. All the best, Val Curiel Admin Assistant
NEWSLETTER FROM THE VALLEY FOOD BANK
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Over the past few months, it seems so many of Jason's closest friends have either gotten engaged, married or are having babies. This has definitely been so bittersweet for me. I am so happy for them, but so sad that I will never get to love and harass my own daughter-in-law or hold and get spit up on by my own grandchild. I have said before that I have the greatest friends and so did Jason and all of them are doing everything they can to make us feel a part of their families as they go through these major life events. And I can't thank them enough.
Jason always wanted to get married and have children. His goal was 3 children and a wife he adored. He was very picky though. I think I drove him crazy asking about every girl he dated and whether there was a connection or not. Jason had picked out his future son's name when he was just a freshman in high school. While initially I believed it was a joke, over time I think he had convinced us and himself that it would be the perfect name. So, his first son was going to be Fitzgerald Franklin. As a baby and toddler, he would call him Fitzy. Once he started his own baseball or football career, he would be known as Fitty Franklin.... Jason would tell us he could hear the crowd in the stands cheering "Go Fitty..." Fitty Franklin was going to be the man. Then as a adult, depending on the path he took, he could either be Fitz and become the president of the US (remember the president from "Scandal" and, of course, we all know what the "F" stood for in JFK), stay as Fitty if he became a career athlete, or if he were to become a normal 9-5 guy he could be Jerry, Jer or even Gerald. We all decided it was the perfect name and we got to the point we just hoped Jason would find the right girl who would let him name his first son Fitzgerald Franklin. Speaking of babies, Jason was one of the best ones a person could ask for. Everyone told me how lucky I was. Jason was sleeping through the night by the time he was 8 weeks old. He was such a happy baby and toddler. His only issue was that he was a master spitter during his first year of life. It seemed, for awhile, that everything that went in came right back out. If we ventured out to our friends houses, we would always have to take a large blanket to ensure no matter how strong his spit projectile was, the blanket would catch it. Speaking of blankets, he had a favorite one, a Disney one, that he could not be without. One of the smartest things we ever did was to buy two identical ones, so we could wash one without having to take one away from him (so, for all you having babies, make sure you do that ;) ). The blanket had a silk trim around it and he used to just sit and rub the silk on his cheek whenever he was feeling a little stressed. My sister Sherri was his second mom. She was his baby sitter and the person who was always there to help whenever we travelled or just needed a break. He was the only grandchild on either side of the family so he never wanted for attention. His grandparents were all with him every step of the way. Speaking of steps, he took his first one at 13 months old at the Pizza Parlor in Yosemite. Of course, he face planted right after that. But he didn't cry. He just got up and tried again (something that stayed with him all his life... every time he was knocked down or failed at something, he would get right back up and prove to everyone he could do it). Jason was not only a happy baby, but he was funny and entertaining from the start.... another thing that stayed with him all his life. So, in ending I just want to say congratulations to all of Jason's friends who have recently or soon will be taking the next big steps in their lives with babies and marriages including Billy, Tanner, Ryan, Frank, Andy, Drew, Reagan, Nick, Jordan, Mike, and, of course Cassius with the birth of his first son, Cassius Jason Lee Marsh, a couple of weeks ago. I know I have probably missed some, but for those I named and everyone I missed, I wish you all wonderful lives filled with laughter and joy..... Dude, I love you and always will and I will miss you dearly every day for the rest of my life.... mom Today is Super Bowl Sunday.... a day to celebrate football. It is a tough day for me. Jason loved football. We loved football. And, because he loved it so, we still watch it and cheer on his teams, but it is a tremendous challenge for me. The sport most definitely was a key in Jason's decline and subsequent death. The reasons for that we are still trying to understand. But that discussion I will save for another post. Jason actually was not a big fan of watching football, any sport for that matter. But he loved playing it and commenting about it. Except for watching the Super Bowl and other big games. We all know Jason loved to have a good time and he loved parties, so he loved the pomp and circumstance that surrounded Super Bowl Sunday. We can all see him yelling, cheering, toasting and maybe even dancing a little to the halftime show..... or, specific to today, trying to show up Adam Levine with his singing talent.. we will definitely miss him today, like every day.. The picture to the left is Jason at a Rams game in 2017. He is with his dad and super fan and friend Mitch. The pictures below are Jason through the years playing football. Whether it was when he was just 3 in his Raiders (boo) uniform playing in the backyard, through his years in Viking football, then playing for the Chaminade Eagles and eventually joining the ASU Sun Devils. It was who he was through his life and death. Go Rams!! Dude (Jason), how about you help Goff a little today. I know you didn't think too much of him when you played against him, but maybe you can reconsider now.. and, please keep all the players safe.... love, mom I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Sometimes it is hard to be thankful given what life has taken from me over the past year or so. But then I remember how lucky I was to have had such great people in my life. I am so thankful I had Jason for the 26 years I had him. I wish I had more, but those were some pretty wonderful 26 years. I am lucky I had my parents for as long as I had them. Mom had 94 pretty healthy years. Dad had 88 years, although 17 of them were pretty tough on him. When I think of Thanksgiving, I certainly think of the wonderful meals I had with my family over the many years, but it also makes me think of Texas. It was Thanksgiving weekend and the Fal Der Al party on Saturday of that weekend that first got us to Texas 20+ years ago thanks to our friends, the Schofields. We loved it so much that we bought a house in the Cordillera development in Boerne and, of course, we continued to go to the Fal Der Al parties every year we could. We considered moving to Texas and having Jason go to Boerne high at one point, but we decided it was too hard to leave our friends and family in California. Jason loved Texas. He learned to shoot a BB gun from our friend Tom there. Within minutes of his first lesson, he was nailing every can and bottle on the fence. We had go-carts and mini bikes on our property and Jason loved zipping around Cordillera in his go-cart. He loved taking other little kids for the rides of their lives in the fastest go-cart. There was one time when I caught him and his friend Marc zipping around in the go-cart in the dirt and shooting the bb gun randomly while the go-cart hopped all over. I had to take the bb gun away for awhile after that. They are lucky they didn't shoot their eye out. lol... Jason met new friends there and brought many of his California friends out to visit. We took our friends, the Burows, to Texas one year during the winter holidays. It was quite a memorable week. We went to the safari park and met Clyde the Camel who hocked a loogie all over Dale's brand new jacket. Admittedly, I almost threw up when that happened. We were chased by Ostrich's. Poor Jason was in the back of our golf cart and nearly missed being pecked by a crazed ostrich. But he was his usual hysterical self, making sure we all knew the eminent danger he was facing. We laughed so hard that day. We also took them to our favorite store in Fredricksberg where you can sample every sauce, dip and dressing imaginable. Jason and the Burow's decided they were tough enough to head into the over 21 hot sauce room and tried the hottest sauce they had. Needless to say, everyone ran out of their searching for water, milk, ice cream and anything else that could calm the fire in their mouths. Jason, of course, was the loudest of all of them. I think they all suffered a couple of days thanks to that hot sauce. Texas is known for their music and we made sure to hit many of the best music bars there. We hit Gruene Hall in Gruene Texas several times. Jason learned the two-step there. We took our friends, The Rose's and others to Luckenbach to enjoy some good old down home Texas music. While Jason never really liked country music, he did a great job faking it and blending in no matter where we went. The Fal Der Al party was the highlight of Texas for us. Each year, our friends Tom and Jan would host the party at their house in Boerne. Tom had built the greatest "Texas" outdoor kitchen you can imagine. It was rustic but had every modern convenience. It was perfect for Texas. Everyone brought food and the hosts would cook pig, quails, pigeons and, sometimes, if we were lucky, crawfish. The party lasted from 10am till the last guest dropped around 2am. There would be multiple bands throughout the day and enough incredible food and drink to fill our bellies beyond their capacity. Each year the party would include a "washer" tournament. It was one of the highlights for Jason, especially as he got older. He loved the competition and the camaraderie. I don't recall if he ever won the tournament, but I know he came close a few times. Music was also a key part of the party. 2 years ago, when the drummer from the evening band stopped to take a break, Jason decided, given his Rock Band skills, that he could take over the drums. Of course, he had drank quite a bit that day. So, he walked up to the stage, sat down, and started drumming. and totally entertained the crowd. The lead singer did give him a look initially, but soon realized that Jason's charm was winning over the audience, so he let him continue to play. It was hysterical. Jason was, as we all know, always the dancer. He would do his best to country dance, but he would bust out his normal non-country moves no matter what song was playing anyway. I loved dancing with him there as did every other woman. Unfortunately, we missed the Fal Der Al this year because we just couldn't go without Jason. But we will go again and celebrate his Texas life with all of our friends there one of these days. We are so thankful for all of our Texas friends, our California friends, our relatives throughout the country and for our memories of Jason that will help us throughout the remainder of our lives. May y'all have a wonderful holiday season....
With the Dodgers headed to the world series, I thought it would be perfect to talk about Jason's baseball years in my latest blog entry. Jason played baseball from the age of 2 1/2 through 18. While he enjoyed baseball, it was second to him with football, but it was still such an important part of his life. At 2 1/2, we enrolled Jason in a Tot T-ball program. To be honest, I am not sure who had more fun, Jason or us. I have attached a link to a video at the end of this blog that makes me laugh hysterically every time I watch it. And you can certainly see from the jiggling camera work in the video, that Gregg (the camera operator) had a hard time focusing on his subject matter because he was laughing so hard. Like everything else Jason did, he jumped right in. There was no shyness at all. He walked up to the 4 and 5 years olds in the program and introduced himself. He came out swinging and hit the ball off the tee every time he was at bat. Of course, he was not sure what direction to run after he hit the ball. In his first hit, after the coach yelled run, he headed right for the pitcher's mound. The patient coach picked Jason up and moved him to first base. The next batter came up, hit the ball, the coach yelled at Jason to run and Jason ran immediately off the base and headed to the ball to pick it up to make the play. Again, the patient coach came over, picked Jason up and put him on second base and tried to explain the basic rules of base running to him. Jason nodded as if he fully understood. So, the next batter came to the plate. By this time, Jason was fully involved with his baseball cap, taking it on and off, trying to look like a real baseball player. The batter hit the ball, the coach yelled to Jason to run and Jason, instead, turned to the camera to make sure we got the perfect picture of him in his baseball hat. He was always the ham. In the outfield Jason would jump up and down with such joy and happiness, the same joy and happiness he carried throughout his life. When Jason reached 4 years old, he joined the Simi Youth league. He played there for about 8 years. The Shetland (4-5 year olds) program was similar to Tot T-Ball in that he spent most of his time twirling in the outfield, picking flowers and, of course, making a few plays here and there. It was at Simi Youth that we first met many of our best friends to this day. Mitch Rose and Bob Palacios became Jason's coaches during Pinto and they brought us into their friend groups. Those friends have stayed with us through all of our joys and tragedies. One of the most memorable moments at Simi Youth was the year Jason's Cubs team beat The Yankees team and won the league championship. Jason's team was huge underdogs going into the game. Jason started the game as the pitcher. He struck one player out after another. Of course, a few got on base, but he definitely did his job that day. In fact, after he was taken out as pitcher, you can see him jumping with joy in the outfield, knowing he had done what he needed to do for his team. That same joy he had as a 2/ 12 year old T-baller. Jason's team won that day and they all piled on top of one another after the game. It was like they won the real MLB world series. The parents were probably more excited then the players. Finally, someone was able to take down those Yankees. Besides being a happy kid, Jason also loved to argue his point. So, another memorable moment in Simi Youth came on a day when Jason decided a strike called by the umpire was not a strike. The problem was that it was a third strike and the catcher had dropped the ball. If you know the game of baseball, if the catcher drops the third strike you can still try to run to first base. As the ball headed toward the backstop, Jason started arguing with the umpire instead of running to first base. Suddenly you could hear Coach Mitch start yelling at Jason to run. Jason was too involved in his argument and did not hear Mitch. Mitch got louder and louder, looking like he was about to have a heart attack. But Jason stayed firm in continuing his argument. Well, as you might guess, the catcher eventually picked up the ball, threw it to first base and Jason was out. Coach Mitch had dropped to his knees frustrated that Jason didn't listen to him. Jason finally gave up his argument, shrugged his shoulders and headed back to the dugout completely oblivious of Coach Mitch still yelling at him as he walked by. In Jason's last year at Simi Youth, Jason's 13 year old all-star team made it all the way to the Pony World Series. During the various games leading up to the world series finale, Jason was mainly a pinch hitter getting in here and there. Early in the final series of games, Jason was taken off the bench and put in full-time because of his consistent hitting. In the finale, the Simi Youth team was pitted against a team from Puerto Rico. All the members of the Puerto Rican team had mustaches. We joked that the players had their children with them at the game (as they all looked to be in their 20's). In a heartbreaking end to the series, the US Pony team lost 1-0 to Puerto Rico, but Jason was crowned the World Series batting Champion. It was a moment I will never forget. On a side note, Jason played most of those Simi Youth years with Christian Yelich, the same Christian Yelich who may become the MVP of the MLB National League. The difference between the two of them was that when Christian was tired of his time in the batting cage, his dad would make him stay in there awhile longer and keep hitting. I am sure that is where he perfected his hitting skills and patience. Instead, when Jason became bored in the batting cage, given we were also bored, we would let him out and head to Wana Iguana or some other restaurant for a post workout/game meal with his buddies. In high school, Jason became a member of the Chaminade Eagles baseball team, playing on the varsity squad his last few years. He had his ups and downs in high school baseball, but he loved the members of the team and had the greatest times in the dugout motivating and inspiring his team or just talking non-stop about whatever was on his mind. He was a pitcher and played many other positions. He perfected his goofy palm ball that would drive batters crazy. He won the Coach's Award for Best Spirit and Heart his junior year. One of Jason's funniest moments in high school baseball came at the expense of himself. A pop fly was hit near the third base fence. Jason ran quickly to the ball and thinking this might be his ESPN Sports Center moment, he climbed the fence and reached out for the ball. Only problem was the ball dropped 3 feet before the fence. Jason's dugout and the teammates on the field burst into laughter. Jason hopped off the fence, shrugged and started laughing himself. Always the character. I am sure Jason will be up there watching and cheering the Dodgers on to victory. Dude, I love you and always will and I will miss you dearly every day for the rest of my life.... mom JASON'S TOT T-BALL VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPcjwXEkrEg SIMI YOUTH CUBS WINNING THE LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP (A little long and shaky, but fun to watch if you are interested) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uO24hNWRcc Jason was a football player, an entertainer and the life of the party. But there were other sides to Jason that many were unaware of. He had a sensitive side that he often kept hidden. He had a heart of gold and he deeply cared for his friends and his family. One of the ways he expressed his sensitive side was through poetry. Jason wrote many poems during his short life. I have found some in his journals, and I know I will find more over time as I gain the courage to go through more of his journals. But I thought it would be both cathartic for me and enjoyable for others if I shared a couple of his poems that I have found. Jason may not have been a Yeats or Whitman, but his poetry helped to show us more about who he was and what his deepest thoughts were. It showed us a man who desired and cherished love. It showed us a man who loved life. A disease he could not overcome stole his love for life, but I will always remember him as the man he was before the disease took hold. This first poem is about a man who foolishly drives while intoxicated. It is a sad story, but it shows his heart. The Damned Road By Jason Franklin Cruising smooth down the damp gravel, Spoiled with good feeling caught us off guard, The bar issued us with fuzzy brains that seemed harmless, Every drink we drank was a check mark into completing her destiny, Jack & Coke left my breath with laughter and idiocy, Behind a wheel controlling life itself seemed redundant, That night taking risk was the only option in mind, Heads turned away as speed was forgotten, Aqua eyes met briefly before the thunder, Screeching sounds soon saluted fates ears itself, The gravel warned, knew, and hoped for the worst, Satan placed a hand on my shoulder with great curse, His voice hot, hideous, and reeked of smoke, “It was you….” Eyes opened looking to my right, It was my fault, My love, My life, Emotions raged with guilt and despair, Decades come and go and the feeling doesn’t leave, Lying in bed I still see the face of my better half, Dreams are repetitive of soaked gravel and the voice of the Dark Angel, I’m left a fraction of a man This second poem was written by Jason for his Grandmother Franklin after his grandfather had passed away. The Eternal Dance By Jason Franklin Fresh air flowing through my lungs since war faded, My wife’s presence simmered the fear of loss in my heart, So many friends and so many foes bled for the destruction of the beast in the east, Trauma would enter my dreams, Sporadically as I wake up puddled in a sea, As I rose to coherency, there she was as panicked as I, Golden blonde hair gifted by the angels, The ability to calm me with one touch of her soft warm fair skin, She gave me the world with only her presence and her smile, Pondering the past released images of my old repute, Promiscuity through the sailor years kept me in a persistent love voyage, After the war I saw her getting out of her parents Ford, Red lips and a breath-taking blue dotted sundress, Coincidentally Dotty was her name, I could never take my eyes off her, Days would past as I kept visualizing the day I would strike the nerve to approach her, Licentious habits of beauty chasing kept me foreign to displaying emotions, Having her in my vision brought a side of me that was never before attained, When we first met I was dropped to my knees by her charm, We laughed, and dallied, through the fields of the passionate present, Music would play and gazes were met, I took her hand in rhythm as I did later in marriage, And we danced, We danced with promised intentions of continuing for all eternity, We were young and in love, Never worried about our future, Never lacking the inerasable desire, We matured touring the steps by fruiting the world with two, Lads of character and charm blessing the world with existence, Men portraying cutting images of greatness and aptitude, A heart like their mother’s fortuned with my last name, A foundation of love was established and forced to be followed, The boys were taught how to become respectable men, And as they left our kin, our promised love never faded, As my body broke down, I passed and left you a half of a full heart, Abandoned emotionally and physically, But my absence is only temporary my gorgeous wife, Do not worry about me baby, I am alive and well in the fields of gold, When you my dearest pass on, You know where to find me, In the nearest jazz hall donning that glowing white tux, There I will be standing with a wide-open hand and a matching smile, Forever waiting for you to join me in our eternal dance. I hope these poems showed you a different side of Jason than most knew. As I have said so many times and will say so many more times, I was so lucky to have been his mother. Dude, I love you and always will and I will miss you dearly every day for the rest of my life.... mom Football season is upon us. Gregg and I have Rams season tickets and we have aways loved to watch football, especially Jason's ASU Sun Devils and his Chaminade Eagles. But, given that football may have been a major contributor in my son's death, how can I still love and watch this game? It is a challenge for me right now. We strongly believe that Jason had CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) as nothing else really explains his change in behavior and the symptoms he was demonstrating right before he passed. We also know that he suffered numerous concussions during his years of playing and, of course, probably thousand of hits to the head. Unfortunately, because of the timeframe to evaluate and diagnose Jason's brain at Boston University, we won't know for sure for about a year. Which, of course, is beyond frustrating. But we also know that Jason loved the sport of football from the core of his being and he would be devastated if he found me trying to do things to end the sport. It was a key part of defining who he was. He was a football player... he was a teammate... he was a leader on and off the field.... A friend of mine, who also lost a child, told me, in trying to move forward, do what Jason would want you to do. So, as I begin my search for a new purpose in my life, I have to keep in mind both what my son would have wanted me to do and my own feelings about the game and it's impact on our family. I am certain that I will work to seek changes in football, especially in the youth leagues (e.g. Flag Till 14). I will also help those that are trying to better understand, diagnose and treat the disease of CTE itself, and, of course, I want to help to further enhance concussion protocols, hit counts, treatment of scout players, and encourage and mandate better rules regarding forcing medical retirements. But to work to eliminate football entirely, that I cannot do. It would break my son's heart. Some of our best memories come from Jason's years on the gridiron. He played pretty much every position, from quarterback to punter, from receiver to defender. He had such joy and excitement on the field. Every time he made a big play, he would get so excited pumping his arms, waving his hands, etc.. Half the time he would get warnings by officials to manage his celebrations but it was not in his nature. There was a saying we would all quote that was "Act like you've been there before." So, if you have a big tackle or score a big touchdown, just walk away from it like it was a usual thing for you. But that was not Jason. He would always get so excited. And, it always brought a smile to my face. In High School, Jason was known for his half time speeches to the team. I don't really know what he told them, but I am sure it not only motivated them, but, probably made them all giggle and smile more no matter what adversity there were facing in the second half. He met so many of his friends thanks to football. Jason went to a high school (Chaminade College Prep) where he knew only one person going in. But the summer before high school, he started summer football practice. By the time school started, he had a huge group of friends. Most of those friends stayed with him throughout his life. Jason had scholarship offers from small schools to play football, but he wanted to be a part of something bigger. So, instead, after being contacted by the linebacker coach from ASU, he chose to walk on to Arizona State. We supported his decision as we could see how much it meant to him to be a Sun Devil and to be playing for a team that was part of the Pac 12. It was his dream come true. Jason was a teammate through and through. I think that is what really drew him to football. He loved the idea of team. Football is about unity and team first. It is the heart of the team playing as one that makes for success and Jason knew that better than most. In college, it was all about team. He was a scout player for much of his career in college. Most scout players quit because they get the crappy equipment, they are demeaned by the coaches, you name it. But, Jason did not. Jason knew his job was to make the team better. There was no glory in it for him individually. It was about his team. He also knew that the team would be better if they understood and appreciated each others differences more. So, to the dismay of many of the coaches, Jason would host parties where he would bring players together whether they were white, Polynesian, Hispanic, Black, you name it. He wanted them all to better understand each other's culture and what motivated them. He got in trouble for some of those parties. But the more I understood why he did what he did, the prouder I was of him for taking the heat while trying to build a better team. Of course, Jason was not completely selfless. He did yearn to be recognized for his efforts. So, when he received a scholarship In his Junior year, it meant so much to him. It was the first time he was recognized individually in college for what he was doing for his team. Our last memory of Jason and football came at Jason's last ASU Football Banquet following his final season. During the banquet, the various MVP's were named. Throughout the evening, as various awards were given, there was applause throughout the event hall with a smattering of people standing for each award winner. And then came the Glen Hawkins Award for Scout Player of the Year. We could tell from the speech that the award winner was going to be Jason. We were so excited. Then they named him, we stood up and cheered and then to our utter amazement we saw the entire ASU football team stand up and cheer for Jason. They did not do that for any other player awarded that night. I will never forget that evening. It was evident that my son was so loved and respected by his teammates. He may not have been the star on the field, but he made such a positive difference for that team and that mattered most to him and us. Go Rams and Go Sun Devils!! Jason will be watching and supporting you from above so let's make this a great year.. For more information about CTE and Flag Until 14 programs, see the links below: https://concussionfoundation.org/CTE-resources/what-is-CTE https://concussionfoundation.org/programs/flag-football Dude, I love you and always will and I will miss you dearly every day for the rest of my life.... mom I am one of the luckiest people I know when it comes to my friends. Whether it is people I see everyday, or those I haven't seen for years, the friendship of so many wonderful people is helping to pull me through. My friends have been with me constantly helping me to see there is a light at the end of this tunnel. They remind me of the great things Jason did in such a short life... they remind me of what I can do to honor him... They remind me that there will be joy in my life again. They keep me busy and distract me from my negative thoughts. They let me talk about my fears, my guilt and my memories. And, they aren't afraid to have me around knowing I may lose my mind at any time. A true friend knows that "they can't stop the rain, but they can hold the umbrella." And I have so many true friends. Jason was a true friend to so many people. That was evident based on the number of people who showed up at his service or who have sent us cards and letters since. He was the most social person I think I have ever met. He and I shared the gift of gab and the desire to entertain and engage everyone we met. He was the happiest kid around... I was, and am, so lucky to have had him… He was an only child which can be hard, but he decided early on that he was never going to be alone. Whether it was talking to kids or adults, he was going to be the center of it. I remember when he was just 3 or 4 years old. He had gotten a power wheels jeep and he wanted to drive down the street. So, he got in it and started driving with me walking behind. Each house we passed, he would drive up the driveway, up the path and then start yelling… “Hello, do any children live here..” If no one responded, he would just turn around and go to the next house. That is how he met the Schmidt’s, Patrick, Joseph, Quinn and others in the neighborhood. His friend Tanner mentioned he did the same on his pink and green bike one day when Tanner moved into the neighborhood… He just came into Tanner's backyard, introduced himself and started riding bikes with them. He was “Mr. Social..” Brother Tom from Chaminade told a story about how whenever he would have a prospective family walking with him around Chaminade, he would seek Jason out. Jason would introduce himself and then spend the next 10 plus minutes telling them about Chaminade, the teachers, the students, you name it. I am sure he convinced many a family to bring their children there. He could truly talk to anyone about anything. Speaking of Chaminade, one of Jason's friends told me a story about his freshman orientation day at Chaminade. Jason, made sure to walk around and meet everyone. Each person had a name tag on. Over in the corner was a quiet young black man named Rotimi. Jason never saw color, he just saw people (which I am so proud of him for to this day). So, Jason went straight over to Rotimi, started talking to him, told him he had the coolest name ever, then took his name tag off, gave Rotimi his and spent the remainder of orientation introducing himself as Rotimi. He was a character. Not only was he a storyteller, but he was a master debater. Choose any subject and he could argue with you about it for hours. I'll save some of those stories for a future blog. I think one of the main things I will miss will be talking and debating with Jason or watching him work a crowd. He was a master. Dude, I love you and always will and I will miss you dearly every day for the rest of my life.... mom A dear friend told me that a great way to cope with the loss of my son is to write about him, how he impacted me and others throughout his life and what I am doing now to try to move forward through my immense grief. So, today, I start with the first of what I assume will be many blogs to come. Jason was truly a light in his short life, a light that will burn in me forever. While it is still incomprehensible to me what happened, I know I need to move through it and lead a life that Jason would be proud of. Guilt is one of the toughest things to deal with in this journey so far. So, over the last few days, I have started each morning by telling Jason I am sorry for what I could have or should have done to help him and I ask him to forgive me. Each time a thought comes into my mind about why I didn't do something more or why I didn't see something earlier, or why I didn't understand the magnitude of the issues he was experiencing, I try repeating that statement again.... "I am so sorry for what I could have or should have done to help you and I ask you to forgive me." It is hard sometimes to clear those guilt thoughts from my mind, but I know I must keep trying. We all know that Jason always told us "I got you." So, I know, given this, he has forgiven me. If any of you out there are feeling some level of guilt because you failed to respond to a text, or couldn't go out when he asked you to or noticed he wasn't himself but just chalked it up to a growth pain in his life or you just didn't keep in contact because life just moved on... tell Jason you are sorry, ask him to forgive you, and rid yourself of the guilt. I know he forgives all of us and I know he will have all our backs as we move on with our lives. And, also, take a moment to drop a friend a note just to say hi and and remind them you are there for them.
Now, on a lighter note, given the blistering heat outside, I know many of you may be heading to the beach. That reminds me of a story told during Jason's service where Jason, himself, should have felt some level of guilt over his own actions. Anyway, the story came from Brandon "Beef" Rappaport a friend of Jason's from his Chaminade days. During the boys senior trip to Newport Beach, Jason felt Beef was just a little too white and needed to work on his tan quickly. So, Jason said, like he did so often before, "I got you" and he gave Beef a bottle of baby oil and told him to lather up. Of course, by the end of the day Beef was fried and barely able to move. Jason's reaction.... "the baby oil worked.... just look at all the color you got.." Now, in this particular case, I am not sure if Jason's life mantra of "I got you" was meant as a support statement or as something else..smirk.. smirk....and maybe he had a little bit of guilt over his baby oil recommendation. But I know Beef forgave him and laughed it off. Anyway, for those heading to the beach, forget the baby oil, protect yourself and enjoy your day.... We don't know everything that contributed to Jason's final decisions, but, in hindsight, given what we now know, we are certain that CTE played a part in it. One of these days we will have that fully confirmed and, when we do, we will certainly work with others to do what we can to help in both dealing with, lessening the impact of, and preventing CTE. If you would like more information about CTE, check out one of the links below: Boston University CTE Center Concussion Foundation Organization Dude (Jason), I love you and always will and I will miss you dearly every day for the rest of my life.... mom Fear is something each and every one of us face throughout our lives. While I always feared something might happen to Jason (just like any other parent), I was able to manage that fear. I guess that was because, deep in my mind, I believed it was so unlikely anything would actually ever happen to him. The fear may not have been real to me then. Of course, put me on a ladder higher than 4 feet up and you'd better be ready to catch me as I passed out. That fear, the fear of heights, I could never manage because it was so real to me. But now I am facing a new fear that I never imagined but is so real it is tearing me apart. That is the fear of a future lost. A future without my son Jason, without grandkids, without a daughter-in-law, without the dreams I had that were so deeply woven into the thoughts that swirled in my heart and mind. So, how do I overcome this fear? How do I move forward from here and build dreams of a new and different future? Honestly, I don't know yet. I am sure I will eventually find my purpose and my new future. I have shed so many tears the last month or so and I know I will shed many more. But I read a quote from William Shakespeare that has helped a bit. It said "Tears water our growth." So, maybe these tears are just helping me to start the next phase in my life, helping me to grow and find that new purpose. Of course, a key part of my son's future would have been the future and dreams of all his friends. So, I hope I can continue to share in the happiness that his friends will seek out and realize in their lives...... I want to encourage his friends to talk with us about their hopes and dreams... to come to us if we can help in anyway... and to remind us of stories of Jason. One of Jason's best friends just asked Jason's dad, Gregg, to be a part of his wedding to represent Jason. This was such an incredible gift to us. It was the first gift of our new future. Jason had fears, of course, some we knew about and some we didn't. I always thought he could overcome anything. Sometimes, we had fun with Jason's fears (maybe this is what we call bad parenting 101). Anyway, I remember one time we were in Laughlin, NV visiting my parents. One of the hotels had a train that ran around it. Jason was about 4 years old and was so excited to ride the train. Little did we know that part way through the train ride, a group of actors would jump on and pretend to rob the train, shooting their guns off, yelling loudly and terrifying Jason.. Jason was screaming at them "Get off my train," threatening them if they did not get off the train now he would get them, crying a little and grabbing for us to protect him while still trying to show a brave face to the train robbers. The train robbers started to laugh, Gregg and I started to chuckle and I think that just made Jason madder and more steadfast in his resolve to rid the train of the robbers and manage his fear. Later he told me he was not afraid. He told me he saved everyone from the bad guys that day. I am sure he wove an amazing tale to his friends in preschool about how he single handedly defeated a gang of train robbers and saved his parents and others from certain doom. Another story of Jason's ability to overcome his fear came right after he became a member of the ASU football team. I remember during his first days of practice at ASU, they put him up against Vontaze Burfict, a monster of a man, and about the meanest looking SOB I have ever seen. Jason summoned all his strength, overcame his fears and stood there and took a hit from Vontaze. Jason was knocked about 20 feet in the air. But he stood back up, got back in line and was ready to take that hit again. I know he was scared to death, but I also know he knew he had to prove to himself he could do it. I also know that he probably told all his friends later how he took the hit from Burfict and Burfict was the one shaken. We all loved Jason's stories.... Dude, I love you and always will and I will miss you dearly every day for the rest of my life.... mom |
AuthorHi, I'm Jan Franklin. I am and will always be Jason Franklin's mother. He was everything to me. He brought such joy to me and so many others in his short life. I will never ever forget him. Archives
October 2019
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